Cheryl Clift MA LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, #120106
Providing psychotherapy in person in Lafayette, CA
and virtually throughout California
“Traumatic events overwhelm the ordinary systems of care that give people a sense of control, connection and meaning.”
- Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery, pg. 33
Complex Trauma (C-PTSD)
Childhood trauma is also called complex, attachment or relational trauma because it occurs within the connection of our first, essential relationships with parents or caregivers.
Because of this, clients often suffer from repetitive and destructive patterns of relating with others and limiting, negative beliefs about themselves.
Since I began as a therapist many years ago, I have focused on supporting clients to recover from these deep, lifelong wounds, to restore their sense of themselves and to transform their lives and relationships.
I have noticed many common ways in which trauma in our earliest relationships affects people’s lives.
In relationships
You may want to have a better understanding of your relationships with your parents or family members or want to know how to resolve them.
You may be very conflict avoidant because you get so anxious and don’t know what to say when someone is angry with you.
You may go along with things when you don’t really want to and then you resent others or have anger at yourself for giving in.
Even though you want to express your feelings, you are afraid it might hurt or anger someone else, so you say nothing.
You often have fear that your partner will leave you or conversely, fiercely believe that you don’t need anyone else—you can take care of yourself, you always have and you always will.
Handling emotions
You may not understand why you feel the way you do or act the way you act.
You often shut down and feel frozen or numb.
You tend to be reactive or just explode without any control.
You may often feel overwhelmed to the point that you become confused and don’t know how to respond to your partner during disagreements.
You may experience bouts of strong anxiety or depression.
You may have underlying anger, resentment, shame or sadness that never goes away, no matter how much you try to make things better in your life.
Finding your identity
You have no sense of who you are, who you are meant to be and you don’t know what you want to do with your life.
You frequently have negative or critical thoughts about yourself or feel very inadequate.
You often feel empty, hollow or alone, as if you don’t belong anywhere or with anyone.
Your life looks good “on paper” yet you are still unhappy or plagued by distressing feelings.
You worry constantly or catastrophize about the future.
It is possible to love, to trust and to live a meaningful life.
When you no longer suffer with trauma…
You are able to say what you think without feeling fear
or shame.You can deal with conflict without becoming overwhelmed.
You feel good about who you are and trust yourself
and your intuition.You have a sense of peace and enjoyment in my life.
You can trust people, have companionship, and love
without fear.You are no longer affected by the past and feel hopeful
for the future.Your life has a renewed sense of meaning and purpose.
Having support can be essential and transformative on your path towards healing.
They way you feel, your beliefs about yourself and your life, and how you respond all are landmarks we can follow, that can guide us to help you find your way out of the darkness.
It is possible to live your life with serenity, intention and confidence.
It is possible to…
Love more deeply, with less fear and more trust in your relationships
Have a deeper and more thorough understanding of why you react the way you do, including learning the origins of distressing behaviors and emotions.
Learn to express yourself and your feelings more easily, without hesitating, withdrawing or overreacting.
Reduce anger and shame from boiling up inside and taking over.
Learn how to handle challenges and conflicts in life and relationships without shutting down by dissociating, freezing, numbing or using other methods that used to be self-protective but no longer work.
Be who you were meant to be
Reduce your fear and limitations.
Make deliberate, conscious and thoughtful choices about how you respond, how you act and how you live your life, with less shame, fear, resentment or anger.
Find purpose and meaning in your life and feel hopeful and excited about your future because limits on your ability to act in alignment with your true self have lifted.
How I can help
Healing from trauma is an ultimate act of bravery
To recover from childhood trauma requires setting up the proper conditions
so the wounded and vulnerable parts of ourselves may emerge.
All human beings need to feel that they can be seen and heard for who they truly are.
For trauma survivors, whose reality may have been denied for decades, it is essential
for them to feel as if they are being seen and heard, perhaps for the first time, with
resonant and sensitive attunement to their inner world so they can feel safe to express
deeply suppressed pain.
I have been on your side of the couch
I have a lived experience of what it takes to heal, and I have deep knowledge and understanding of what it looks like to recover from the dramatic effects of childhood trauma.
In my training I have acquired an extensive background, study and training in working with childhood trauma and how it affects relationships.
I use this knowledge, a welcoming and compassionate attitude, a sense of humor and humanity, and a complex and layered understanding of how our psyches twist themselves into pretzels in order to shelter our vital inner selves from conscious pain.
I utilize a variety of methods to approach this work, and will collaborate with you to tailor strategies that are unique to you. After many years of doing this, I have learned that every person’s path is distinctive and individual. Together we will get to know who you are and what you specifically need in order to heal.